Saturday, October 3, 2009


"With the lights out , its less dangerous ,
here we are now ,entertain us"
called out the Lizard on the south -facing wall to the Lizard on the east- facing wall.
All this in ultrasound frequencies but enough to wake up the tuna coloured semi-corpse from her sleep.

Its been a week Of Eggs, Bones( broken) and Cramp-ets. One still doesn't get whether the insti is pro-sports or not. On one hand they make us guzzle calories with the air of the doting grandma and then switch roles with the pop-eyed, stuffy Grandfather and make us sit for eighteen TSs and nine end-sems. Speaking of pop-eyed and stuffy, he has done it again. Any event of potential joie de vivre continues to get culled at the altar of the One Who Must Not Be Smelled- Monsieur Swine Flu, all thanks to the Pignacious One.
But still hols are hols, and rollicky they must be according to PG's First Law of Strife, Unihearse and Nothing. With the first signs of autumn creeping into the air, and skies turning bluer than usual and the clock taking its own sweet time to tick,numbing pains easily dissolve into endless hours of slumber.
It was from such an endless slumber that the semi-corpse woke up. In stark contrast to her tuna-like greyness, the lizards were green.
Corpse turned white as death as a lizard expertly rolled out its tongue, caught a passing fly and rolled it back.
Burped. (in ultrasound)
Corpse shrieked (very audibly)

The whole room was wall-papered with lizards. Some were shy, some the romantic types, some had forked tails..they waltzed, jumped, hip-hopped..and because with every species, happiness is intrinsically linked with the presence of plentiful food, there were gazillions of insects too.
One insect decided to take refugee in Corpse's ear-folds, another decided to fish for food in her blood-streams. A malicious mosquito dived into her nose. Corpse yelled in terror and then spat out a fly that had entered her mouth.
The Lizard with the Forked Tail saw this. It gave a snarl and suddenly it looked very like Papa Dinosuar, as it lashed out its tail angrily.
With mean intent, it crept down the South Wall to the floor...
Its big, black eyes never left Corpse as it drew a deep breath and launched itself into the air, straight for Corpse...

General Lee grabbed the blood-bottling fly in one limb, the ear-wig in the other and banged their heads into one another. All in less than a nanosecond. Its tongue caught the phlegmflea and crushed it.
Victory! cried out all the admiring lizards on the walls. In ultrasound, ofcourse. Some of the albino-lizards turned green with envy, which was exactly what they had always wanted, so in the end everyone loved General Lee.

In every scene of Good Versus Evil you always have the sulking, stupid dumbass and here Corpse played that part. She turned blue with fright, as Lee did a victory flip. Purple, as he turned to her with beseeching eyes. Dead, as his mates flocked besides him for the victory march.

Which was when P.G Woodhearses(Fine Makers Of Oak/Plastic/Composite hearses, we help you carry back your beloved dead in style) were commisioned for a mass supply. Which is how we know the details of the above story.


Corpse - Me
Lizard on East-facing wall - Some Lizard
he - Sonofabutcher


Music score - What do you care, most of it was in ultrasound?
Director of Action - Quentin Tarantula
Fitness Advisor - The Cricket


  1. I got this link from your sis Priya's facebook status. This is fantastic. Absolutely hilarious. Although, its a very short sequence of probably insignificant events (well, im assuming general lee is not ur idol now!!). But you definetly have talent. Let me revisit some of your funniest lines.

    My favorite: Fitness advisor: the cricket

    "some lizards were shy, some the romantic type" - an excellent line, which is not at all politically or racially motivated (for the pundits)...

    There are no inconsistencies either in the plot or in the construct. However, some references were dubious in nature

    tuna colored corpse (Im not sure how colorful a tuna is - greyish?? beige??)

    Forked tailed lizard - Woah! we have a new speices there..where are our etymologists??

    other than that there is a weak reference to the ongoing assault of pigs wid runny noses... that may well have indicated the timeline ur operating on.. but when u unfurl a new bend in the story u need to exploit it as much as u can...

    All this was constructive. Im really impressed with this stuff. simply fantastic.

  2. hi nada! the post was a consequence of extreme boredom so i HAD to throw in the tuna-colored corpse and the fork-tailed lizard. you know, for fun!
    'he' is actually one authority in our college- who's using the swine flu to get all social meets cancelled!
    i am overwhelmed by all that careful analysis. thanks a lot!!

  3. its fantabulous....
    another pg wodehouse in the making...

  4. @ kavs: hehe. then again, what's in a name? :)

  5. Okay. Makes sense. The exceptions are warranted

  6. Quentin Tarantula! That takes the cake. :D
    You really have way too much time on your hands if you're writing scripts for lizard flicks (yes, I know, Godzilla! you'll say). Hilarious though...

  7. @ vihas: it was a true life story adapted to a lizard flick. :)

  8. The east-lizard seems to have chewed up your brain. Loved 'Stife, Unihearse and Nothing' though.

  9. Might have. You never know with east-lizards.

  10. Appreciating ultrasound is an art in itself and I respect you even more if claim to understand the idea. I Dub a lot of their conversations and thinking, which I perceive happen in ultrasound as well. You know, a lizard might seem to be uselessly staring nowhere for hours after feasting on season insects, but actually at times it is sadistically imagining the acidic digestion of the poor chap(in ultrasound of course)

    Nice blog you have by the way...!!

  11. Hah! Alive in an Ultra World? Well, dubbing ultrasound seems like a good profession..but it doesn't beat 'trying not to be a mathematician' ! And THINKING in ultrasound sounds even better- horses could intercept lizard thoughts!Not a very secure frequency i guess..