Tuesday, December 22, 2009


'It's that time of the ear' , rang out a warning on the radio. 'This New Ear..' spelt out an ad, in red letters. ' Want to make this New Ear Really Really Big?' asked a stupid female in some booze ad on the telly.
I sat up, eyes saucer-wide with shock! How could they take it so lightly, how could they think of night-long parties and soirees in the midst of these all -important nation wide alerts?
"' 's Matter?" asked my long-suffering M.O.M, not at all impressed with the state of utter ruin my room had fallen into. The phone began to jangle in the other room and M.O.M turned to go.
"MOM! Can't you see..all these things..telephones and all.. ARE NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE. Mankind is done for. We are all dying..Hey, You can't just GO!"
She just rolled her eyes and exited, leaving me alone to deal with this catastrophe.

A New Ear. Sounded like a highly tumorous affair. I could take in a few bacteria, but THIS would be the pits. Dubiously, I checked my head for any growing appendage. There was a small wart but it was too early to predict what unearthly thing it might transform into.
There was this friend at school ( Highly Classified Info), she had this tiny third ear behind her left one. I had envied her then but times had changed, I wasn't sure if three ears were in vogue anymore.

After the morning coffee had been gulped down, and the fog cleared off my mind a bit, things started to fall in place. Oh ,a new year. Nothing tumorous, though it was highly disgusting of December to come and go so quickly and tip us into frosty, vacation-devoid Jan. Old, sepia-tinted memories of Roorkee reeled by..Last Sem suddenly seemed so distant, so far-away. Next sem- Not So Distant. Just a measly ten days more and...
My thorax prepared to let out my hourly sigh (observed to be more punctual than the Big Ben) but it never came out. Because I was busy turning saucer-wide eyed again.

Something had just cleared its throat. Ahem, ahem, ahem.

"This is crazy!", I howled, stricken. I knew I was alone in my room, excepting a few visiting spiders.
That something suddenly buzzed out of my ear and made itself visible. My optic nerve was fair frazzled from the very task of resolving it- it was TINY as hell, luminescent and had wings. Whatever it was, it had to be friendly, because it was waving wildly at me and trying hard to look cute.
" Who? Are? You?" I gurgled.

" An Ear Fairy Am I
Neither Friend, Nor Spy!
Hear Ye, This is the Gospel fact
As I implore, you must act!
You must resolve this New Year
Never to crib ever!", Its surprisingly high -wattage thorax rang out full force.

It was hovering around my nose. Its trying-hard-to-look-cute efforts had long since snapped off and now it sported a furious look. Moody, like all fairies.
Promise." it demanded, in a sinister whisper. Made my skin crawl. And I used to think fairies were in the business of granting wishes.

SWAT! Down spiralled the ear fairy, its wings lifeless. Brave Agent M.O.M had wielded her deadly mosquito- swatter. " Pesky mosquitioes!", she said before rushing back to the ever jangling phone.

A Year-Fairy? Or was it really an Ear Fairy, since ,after all it had taken up temporary accomodation in my ears. To tell you the truth, I was glad it was silenced for ever but then..that was quite some poem ( rock song?) it had belted out, you know...Resolve This New Year, Never to Crib Ever...Maybe it wasn't just trying to bug me. Maybe like all fairies, it had had the Greater Good in mind.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Enteritis The Dragon

Contrary to popular disbelief, it has now been proven that exams are highly injurious to one's health. Yeah! They gave me the nefarious Salmnonella Typhi! Stuff that does something to your spleen and gives you the sensation of being a saucepan on the sizzle.
Buried under a five inch thick layer of blankets, I dreamt many dreams. Hot, boiling pasta..sinful tiramisu..and then,slowly, like a black shadow loomed into my sight the blasted SP lunch- the REAL cause of all the brouhaha!
I tried to punch down the shadow but it stuck its tongue at me and vanished.

The carnival however truly took off when they began the vaccines. I have had enough needles ploughed into me to make a tattoo out of it. Cute, innit? And a cute intravenous thingy sticking in my vein. One turn of its valve, and hurrah, out floweth the blood.
I got a cute alternate tagline for this post. Tyfried.

Stay Warm.